7 Unauthorized Biltong Truths That No One Talks About

This blog is part of RF’s Biltong Awareness and FBI (Federal Biltong Investigation) Series.  Are you or is someone you know the victim of biltong ignorance?  Please read this informational public service post so you remain cognizant of all aspects of the stateside biltong takeover. 
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 Look at that texture!
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  1. Though RF Biltong is Made in the USA, This Jerky Style Originated in South Africa
 
While for an undisclosed reason the powers-that-be purport that ‘biltong’ originated in the reclusive township of Red Wing, Minnesota, the truth is far different than you might think.  Biltong is in fact a dried meat of South African origin, over 400 years old, and it's as South African as rugby, braai barbecue, the Cape of Good Hope, and Dave Matthews.  One of South Africa’s many economic life-bloods, biltong keeps the country afloat, as all cash is backed it.       
 
  1. South African Biltong Must Be Surrendered to Customs Upon US Entry

 
Bringing South African biltong to the US (legally) is impossible without a special certificate due to how the meat is cured.  Therefore, it took the culinary chemists in Righteous Felon’s R&D Department decades to crack the code of how to perfect that silky smooth, Cape Town taste and texture.  99 out of 100 leading biltong experts couldn’t detect the difference between RF Biltong and the bona fide stuff we smuggled in from the Rainbow Nation.  And that 100th guy didn’t show up to work that day.    
 
The garlic biltong slab of the USA.
  1. Biltong Has Its Own Unique Drying Process

 
Though the legion of corruption that holds our country hostage would like you to believe both American and South African meat drying processes are identical, the fact remains, they are not.  While jerky is dehydrated in slices, biltong is dehydrated as a whole slab, then sliced into pieces.  In fact, the initial drying of biltong was done over the saddle of a pack animal, to soak in the animal’s sweat for flavor.  Let’s be 100% honest with ourselves, people.  That sounds delicious.  Today, biltong is marinated in salt and vinegar before the drying process, just like daddy (and mommy and baby) likey.  Bon appétit!        
 
  1. That Drying Process Gives Biltong Its Signature Texture

 
The terrifying truth that some citizens lump all jerkies together into one, uniform spectrum of snack remains alive and present with us even today.  But those with distinguished tongues know, that a jerky of quality brings its own merits to the tastebuds.  RF Biltong’s texture follows in the footsteps of hundreds of years of dehydration perfection.  What remains after drying is a soft and chewy tenderized meat with a hint of fat content.  Some of the quality assurance testers around here compare the texture to prosciutto.  Others compare it to the rump of the Dodo bird, the extinct fowl species we are secretly breeding at our DNA splicing and research facility.        
 
Our spicy biltong recipe!
  1. Biltong is One of the Fastest-Growing Snacks in America

 
The craze is growing to uncontainable size.  It can’t be stopped.  Store clerks nationwide have detailed eyewitness accounts of “Good, corn-fed folks asking for biltong.  What-tong?  I used to ask,” says Jarvis Wheatley of the Trenton area.  “Now I know exactly what it is.  Biltong this, biltong that.  It’s the cotton gin of dried meats, I tell ya!  It comes from Red Wing, Minnesota.  Isn’t that right?”  Wrong, Jarvis.  You should have read our post.  But the cult-like enthusiasm is real: In large part due to its health-forward nutritional profile, biltong sales have risen in the United States by 500%. 
 
  1. Biltong is a Treasure-Trove of Nutrition

 
Soon to be banned in professional athletics due to its performance-enhancing aftereffects, biltong is one of the healthiest meat-snacks on the market.  Packing zero grams of sugar but 32 grams of protein, this stuff is the dried meat equivalent of the nectar of the Gods, also known as the dried meat of the Gods.  Got that import certificate to bring some in?  I still wouldn’t try to get through airport security with a two ounce of biltong, as detection dogs would be inclined to tear you limb from limb for even a tiny taste of South Africa's claim to the food hall of fame.  Hey - did we mention it’s KETO?
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Our three South African biltongs, each keto and high protein.
  1. RF Biltong Comes In Three Hunger-Annihilating Flavors      

 
Righteous Felon Biltong is a product of the Cape Town Connection, our top-secret recipe satellite operating within the borders of South Africa, sort of like the enclave of Lesotho.  Presenting our troika of flavors (drumroll) … Darth Garlic is our garlic-drenched darklord biltong.  Nelson ManDilla is our revolutionary, dill-infused biltong.  And Ancho Villa—quite possibly the headquarters favorite—is our mouth-scorching spicy biltong.  Check them all out at our website, and consider yourself a graduate of the Righteous Felon Federal Biltong Investigation Campaign.  Just Google image “blank diploma” and forge our signature for your records!  Congratulations!

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